


The Glass In Between

by thickbutterfly



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, Angst, COVID-19, Coronavirus, Fluff and Angst, Hospitals, M/M, Movie Spoilers, Quarantine, SakuAtsu, five feet apart, sorryIwrotethis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:35:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27975236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thickbutterfly/pseuds/thickbutterfly
Summary: Kiyoomi Sakusa went under quarantine to protect himself from the coronavirus outbreak, but the one thing he couldn't protect himself from-was falling in love with Miya Atsumu.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 3
Kudos: 24





	The Glass In Between

**Author's Note:**

> Hospital AU-during a coronavirus outbreak. 
> 
> There are movie spoilers from the famous movie-Five Feet Apart. 
> 
> If this doesn't make you cry, then I hope you at least enjoy it. Sorry it's short. I lost motivation half way through. <3

“Breaking news! There is a Coronavirus outbreak worldwide that is causing civilians to fall sick and die! For safety measures on your own health, stay indoors and use antibacterial products to clean surfaces and your hands daily! You will need to stay quarantined until it is safe to go outside! If you are planning to go outside to purchase emergency products like essential bathroom needs, food, or medical things-wear a mask at all times and carry sanitizer. Also, you will need to do a test to see if you have caught the coronavirus, visit your hospital to get tested. This is your local news of Japan...stay safe.” 

It’s been exactly nine months, since the Coronavirus outbreak that spread across worldwide. I haven’t gotten the courage to go outside in months-my germaphobia won’t let me. The idea of walking outside during a pandemic, and fearing that someone will sneeze or cough on me to cause me to fall into a fever. That scares me more than anything else combined. 

To stay stocked up on food, essentials, and necessities during this quarantine-I ask my mother to buy it. I send her money through the app and she’ll leave it at my doorstep. I’ll wipe everything outside before bringing it inside, and disinfect my doorstep just in case. I know it’s a bit overboard, but my fear is real-I can’t risk catching a single germ on me. 

“Germs, germs, germs, germs-” I mumbled under my breath as I scrubbed my house from top to bottom. “Disgusting germs.” 

I wiped my forehead with the back of my hand, and looked around to check if I missed a spot. 

Every crook and cranny of my house was cleaned thoroughly. 

I put away my cleaning supplies under the kitchen sink, and washed my hands before I decided to lay down on my couch. I was exhausted. I have been cleaning since morning. I can’t lie that sometimes I try to convince myself that I clean too much, but with a nagging thought inside your head that tells you that a germ could be hiding somewhere. You have to clean. 

I don’t spend my entire day cleaning-not most days-I actually watch volleyball matches on television, cook in my spare time, have face calls with my cousin, Komori, try to cut my hair, and do my online classes for University. 

This is my second year at University, and I haven’t touched a single volleyball in almost two years. I miss being an ace spiker for a team-the feeling of hitting a ball over a net and scoring a point. It still lingers in my head and heart. I miss playing. 

I would sign up for another team, but after I graduated high school. I didn’t want to. Not because I grew tired of it, but because I wanted to find something else to love. I still have an option to be a Coach for a team, and get that team to nationals using the strength I still have. But I’m unsure. 

How do I know that I really want to return to a court? 

I was preoccupied with my class assignment in my study when my cell phone rang. I ignored it to keep my eyes on my work, but after the tenth ring I snatched it and answered it in an annoyed tone. 

“What?” 

“Sakusa, I think you need to go to the hospital.” It was my cousin, Komori. 

“What? Why? I’m trying to do my work. If this is about getting tested, then I’ll go next week.” 

“No, Sakusa, it’s Auntie, she caught a high fever, and is in the hospital.” 

I felt my heart drop into my stomach. “I think it’s just a normal fever. Nothing to worry about, right?” 

“She has the symptoms.”

“Komori...I-I can’t go outside. There’s germs everywhere and what if...what if they latch onto me and I-I catch them…” 

“Sakusa, this is your mother, you have to go see her, the hospital will only let one relative inside for her. I could visit her but I’m busy with my own things. Just try to work up the courage to go outside, please?” 

I exhaled heavily feeling the pressure build up inside of me. “I’ll think about it.”

“Please do.” 

The call ended and I placed my phone back down onto the desk. “Crap, I don’t know what I should do. My phobia won’t let me step a foot outside.” 

I glanced at a frame picture of my mother and I when I was a baby. She held me in her arms smiling at the camera, while I had a toothless smile. 

I felt my heart warm up looking at it. It was a memory that I loved to remember-us having fun when I was a kid. Before my phobia got as bad as it is now-I would go to parks with my mom to play. She was supportive and cared about my phobia-even now-and she would do anything to make sure I was okay. 

I ran my fingers through my long, wavy black hair as I contemplated my decision to go to the hospital. Should I? Should I not go? 

My assignments ended up being finished before I grabbed my face mask, my face shield, my gloves, my sanitizer, my jacket, and my car keys. I stood in front of my door trying to convince myself again. 

“She’s your mother, she did worst to keep you happy, stay strong, and walk out the stupid door. It’s fine, you’re protected from the germs, just walk outside, nothing to worry about, just go see her without fearing for your life.” I took in a deep breath, placed my hand onto the door, opened the door slightly, and slammed it back closed when the wind touched my exposed ankles. I was panicking and ran to the kitchen to spray disinfectant onto my ankle. I was out of breath and trying to calm myself down. 

“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I need to do this!” I put the disinfectant away and walked back to the door. I pulled my pants down to cover my ankle, and took in another deep breath. I opened the door. I slowly stepped onto my steps, closed the door behind me, and locked it. “Come on, I just have to make it to my car...Do I still have gas? Did my mom refill my tank before she left for the hospital?” 

I jogged to my car, stabbed my key into the lock, unlocked my car door, opened it, and climbed into my car with my key in hand. I closed the door and took a deep breath. I made it to my car without another freak out. I stabbed my key into the ignition, and started up to the car. The car roared to life and checked the gas tank meter. It was barely touching the ‘F’ and I sighed in relief. I didn’t have to touch the disgusting gas pump to fill up my tank. 

I put the car into drive and drove away from my house. I turned on the radio to listen to some classical music while I drove to the hospital. 

\---

I parked my car in an empty parking spot, turned off my car’s engine, and took my key out the ignition. I checked for my phone, sanitizer, wallet, and back up gloves. I climbed out of the car to walk towards the entrance of the hospital. 

“Stop there sir, we need to check your temperature before you walk inside.” A woman said while holding a non-contact infrared thermometer. 

“Okay.” I said and moved my hair out of the way so she could reach my exposed forehead. 

She aims the thermometer at my forehead, and looks at it once it beeped. “You have a normal temperature. But before I let you inside, why are you coming inside the hospital?” 

“I’m visiting my mother, she’s a patient here.” 

“What’s her name?” 

“Ms. Sakusa.” 

The woman checks her laptop that sat on the table next to her. “It seems we do have a person here by that name. It doesn’t seem no one else is visiting her today, so you can go on ahead.” 

I thanked her and walked inside the hospital. The scent of disinfectant and salonpas hits his nose. He walks up to the lady behind the desk wearing her own mask and face shield. 

“I’m here to visit Ms. Sakusa. I’m her son, Kiyoomi Sakusa.” I said to her while showing my identification card. 

She looks at the card and back at her computer. “Alright, Mr. Sakusa. She’s in room 702 on the seventh floor. Will you be able to find your way there?” 

“Yes ma’am. I’ll manage.” I said while putting my identification card away in my wallet. 

I tucked my wallet back into my pant’s pocket, she handed me a visitors sticker, and I bowed before I walked away to the elevators. I put the sticker onto my jacket and threw away the paper into the trash can on the way to the elevator. 

I press the ‘up’ button and waited for the elevator’s doors to open. 

My phone vibrated in my pocket. I took it out just as the elevator’s doors opened. I answered the call and stepped inside the elevator. I press the number seven on one of the buttons and the doors closed. 

My nerves were still nagging me about being here, but I felt at ease knowing I made it this far. 

“Hello?” 

“Did you decide to go to the hospital?” Komori asked. 

“I’m here. I ended up coming.” 

“Thank god. They called me to inform me that she might be positive for the virus. So you won’t be able to talk close to each other. She’ll be behind a glass that surrounds her bed to prevent you from catching her germs.” 

The word ‘germs’ sent chills down my spine. I almost pressed one to go back down and abort this mission to go see her, but I shrugged off the fear of being in the same room with germs. 

“That’s fine.” I said. “I just want to talk to her.” 

“Be careful Sakusa.” Komori says in a worried tone. 

“I’ll be fine Komori.” 

The doors opened and I stepped off the elevator. “I have to go. Talk to you later.” 

“Alright. Bye cousin.” 

We ended the call and I walked down the cold, silent, and dreary halls of the hospital to find my mother’s room. I strolled down the hallway absentmindedly. The bottom of my shoes making a squeaking noise and echoed throughout the hallway. 

As I made my way to my mother’s room, I did see one or two doctors at their portable desks on their laptops recording the patient’s data into the system. 

I sighed seeing some of the rooms. 

The sight of someone connected to machines, motionless, and suffering with a painful expression. I almost felt pity for them. For catching something so fatal that’ll kill them one day. I shifted my attention from the rooms to the floor. I could see my reflection as I walked. I looked pitiful-my hair wasn’t tamed, haven’t been trimmed in who knows how long, and my figure was slim from lack of nutrition I wasn’t putting into my body. 

I turned another corner to continue walking to my mother’s room. 

I looked up to check the room number and looked back down to avoid seeing the people inside. 

My eyes looked up again to check the room number-room 701. I was close. 

Before my eyes could look back down onto the floor-I saw them. 

Those brunette colored eyes and that merigold dyed hair. I saw them through the transparent window that separated us-him and I. He laid there on that bed connected to a machine with a oxygen mask on his face. He had sadness in his eyes and his body looked weak. He looked at me and struggled to smile weakly. 

I didn’t realize I stopped walking, and blinked. I turned away from him and kept walking to my mother’s room. Room 702. It was only a couple steps away, and I opened the door to see her behind a glass that surrounded her bed. 

I shoved my gloved hands into my pockets. Our eyes locked and we smiled. 

“Hi mom.” 

\---

Ever since that day when I took it upon myself to finally walk out my home to visit my mother. I managed to purchase my own needs. My own groceries, gasoline, etc. I didn’t flinch when feeling the outside air at all-the thoughts of germs did cause me to disinfect everything. But I’m proud of myself for doing something out of my comfort zone in months. 

It’s been a week or two. I didn’t hear anything concerning from Komori about my mother, so I didn’t go back to the hospital after speaking to her. 

Komori said the tests are coming back negative, but her symptoms are similar so they’re keeping her until they see improvement on her health. I told her it might be a small fever, and it’ll pass over in a few days-but she said she was in contact with someone with corona. 

I am worried about her health, the possibility of her having the virus is high, but I won’t think negative on the situation. I have to believe it’s just a fever. It is that time of season for people to catch disgusting germs and get sick. It’s not impossible to have something similar to the virus.

All I can do is hope for the best for her. 

  
  


I was preoccupied with cleaning my bathroom meticulously when I heard my door being knocked on. I ignored them to continue what I was doing, but once they started banging on my door. I threw down my sponge I was using to scrub the tub, snatched off my cleaning gloves, tossed them onto the organizer I used for my cleaning supplies, quickly put a mask on my face, and went to the door to see who it is. 

I knew it couldn’t be Komori-he played volleyball and lived a bit far. He would’ve called to let me know he was coming. I didn’t have any close friends or family members, so this is weird to even happen for me. 

I peek out the window to see Iizuna standing there. I scrunched my nose up seeing him. I graduated high school a long time ago-why is he suddenly appearing at my door step?

“Crap…” I hesitantly reached for my door and cracked it open. “What do you want Iizuna?”

“Hey Sakusa, I know it has been a while, but I wanted to come see you. You know, to see if you’re doing alright, since you barely respond to messages or calls.” 

“I muted the messages for a reason.” 

“Are you doing alright?” 

“I see you still act like a concerned mother, even after all this time. “ I said sarcastically “Yes, I’m fine Iizuna, but if you mind going home before I catch your germs. That would be great.”

“Still a germaphobe I see.” He chuckles. “Alright, fine, but tell Komori I said hi if he still communicates with you.” 

“Uh-huh.” I start doing a sooing gesture at him. 

“I’m going! I’m going! I just wanted to make sure you were alive. Bye Sakusa.” Iizuna waves and leaves my house. 

I close my door and lock it. “Tch, now I have to disinfect my steps again. I might need to wash down my car too seeing how close he was to it.” 

I walk back to the bathroom to resume what I started. Once I finished up in there, I disinfected my steps, and washed down my car. 

“Germs, germs, germs, germs…” I mumbled as I scrubbed my car down. 

I finished my disinfecting and decided to cook myself something to eat. I washed my hands, and fixed myself some homemade ramen. 

I sat at the dining table, used the remote that was placed neatly on there, and turned on the television. “Maybe a movie would be nice to watch. I’ve watched a million already, but is there anything new out?” 

I flipped through movies-some I watched and some looked uninteresting-I picked a rom com, and sat the remote down to eat while I watched it. 

I had finished my ramen a few minutes into the movie. I washed my bowl, cleaned my area, and moved to the couch to watch the movie more close up. I covered myself with a throw blanket and relaxed. 

The movie was a basic romantic comedy, but it did made me think about my love life. 

How I never let anyone stand a foot too close to me, and my paranoia gets the best of me when I do decide to go out there to meet people. I turn down so many people that it’s ridiculous. I did date someone before-it was a female from my high school class. I don’t remember her name or face clearly, but I do remember that she confessed her feelings for me. I accepted after she kept trying for days and let her be my girlfriend. 

The relationship lasted a whole month. 

It was basically my fault. I always dodge her touches, her kisses, her affection, and avoid going near her house. I never let her go near mine, and I barely went on any dates with her. She was annoying. Always complaining, saying my germaphobia was dramatic, and I was overreacting about everything. 

What ended our relationship was when she asked about my feelings. 

_Sakusa, do you love me?_

I vividly remember replying with a blunt. “No.” 

She cried and broke up with me. That was my first and last relationship ever. 

Komori tried to convince me to meet people, but it never worked out in the end. Now here I am, single, and over cleaning my house like a psychopath. 

I did live with my mother, but she got tired of my germaphobia-the way I always cleaned twenty-four-seven, and basically confront her about a little problem. I yelled at her for leaving a cup on the dining table too long and she looked exhausted. 

She moved out to live by herself, but she still pays the bills here for me. The only thing I pay for is my car-she mainly paid for gas before going to the hospital-and my groceries. I go to online school and sometimes work online jobs to bring in money. 

On days I don’t work on school or clean, I’ll find a job to do-mainly calling jobs-and work for it until I forget about it all together. I usually work for a good two weeks before I give up. The jobs brought in a good amount of yen. Enough to live off of for the moment. 

“I guess I’ll be single till I die.” I mumbled while I hid myself under the throw blanket. 

I wonder how people do it. Dating. Do they hold hands? Kiss? Go on dates? 

Do they do what the couple did in the movie? If so, why? Why try so hard for someone that could leave you one day? 

I mused in my own insecurities and ended up drifting off to sleep. 

  
  


When I awoke, the sound of my own phone ringtone filled my living room, I groaned in drowsiness. I reached for my phone, answered it, and put it up to my ear. 

“Hello?” 

“Cousin? Did I wake you up?” 

I sit up and scratch the back of my head. “Yeah…” 

“Sorry, but Auntie called me asking if you could visit her again tomorrow.” 

“Why couldn’t she call me herself?” 

“She did. You weren’t answering her.” 

Did I mute her calls? “Oh, well, I’ll think about going tomorrow.” 

“That would be great.” 

“Hey, um, Komori?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Iizuna popped up at my house today to check up on me, and asked me to tell you that he said hi.” 

Komori laughed softly. “You have everyone muted, so no wonder he would show up uninvited.” 

“Everyone only speaks nonsense so there’s no need to talk to them.” 

Komori sighed, “Anyway, that’s what I wanted to call you about, and I’ll call Iizuna later. Sorry again for waking you up.”

“It’s fine, Komori.”

“Talk to you later, Sakusa.”

“Bye.”

The call ended.

I put my phone next to me as a yawn escape my lips. I groan and stood up to stretch my arms. I went to my kitchen to grab a glass of water. 

Once I finished my water, I washed the glass, and went to my bed room to find some clothes to wear. 

“Again? She wants me to go back to the hospital again?” I mused. 

I threw the clothes onto my bed and went into the bathroom to shower.

I finished showering, getting dressed, and brushing my teeth. I went to go do my laundry-which is my outfit from today-and saw my phone screen light up. 

I quickly put the clothes into the washer, and came back to check my messages. 

There was over one thousand unread messages from five different group chats, a few people I don’t try to communicate with, and my classmates online that I usually ignore. 

A few females from my classes messaged me. Mostly about hanging out or getting to know each other. I scrunched up my nose in disgust. 

_Hanging out? Ew._

I turned off my phone after looking through a few messages, and went back into my room to plug up my phone to the charger. 

I turned off my light and went under the covers to go back to sleep. I guess after school tomorrow, I’ll be seeing my mother again in the hospital. 

A hospital filled with people dying, babies being born into this filthy world, people being tested for the virus, or just regular patients in general. I didn’t want to see them look in pain or look weak. It made me feel uncomfortable and feel pity-which I hate feeling. 

\----

“I’m here to visit a patient by the name of Ms. Sakusa.” I showed my driver’s license to the lady behind the computer. She looked at my license and back at the computer. “Are you a relative?” 

“I’m her biological son, Kiyoomi Sakusa.” 

She types something into the computer. “Okay, Her room is number 702, and there’s no one visiting her today, so let me hand you a visitor’s pass before you go there.” 

The machine prints out a visitor’s sticker and she hands it to me. I thanked her and went to the elevators. I put the sticker on my jacket and threw away the paper. I avoided locking eyes with other people there. It wasn’t crowded-but there was people. And people huddled in one small space made me anxious. 

The doors opened and I walked inside the elevator. I pressed the number seven button. The doors closed and the elevator started to move up. 

The smell of salonpas was mocking me. I hated the scent of the hospital, but it was a familiar scent of the gym during a nerve wracking tournament. It was somewhat not bad to inhale, but it didn’t make me feel at home. At all. 

The doors opened to the seventh floor and I walked off.

The same route towards my mother’s room took a bit of time. There were different doctors and nurses on the way there at portable desks on their laptops inputting data. 

I reached that familiar corner I had to walk around before reaching her home. My eyes looked up to read the numbers-701. 

I saw those eyes again, those brunette colored eyes. They looked back at me with suffering in them. I stopped walking once again to stare back at him. He was connecting to the same machines and was all alone in that room. I felt pity for him too. 

Before I turned my head to continue to my mother’s room-he stretched the corners of his lips back to expose his pearly white teeth and to form a small smile. It looked fake but also real-but it looked forced. 

I didn’t know how to respond to a smile. My face was basically covered up with my mask and shield, so I just awkwardly waved at him before resuming to my mother’s room. 

I don’t know why but I pictured those brunettes colored eyes all day. While I talked to my mother and after I left the hospital. 

As I left the hallway though, he looked at me with another painful expression, but he mouthed something to me. He mouthed; 

_See you again soon._

Why did he mouthed that? I know this is my second time visiting, but what if I decide not to return? How does he know I would come back? 

He was right. 

For the next few days, I would finish up my class and go up to my mother’s room to talk to her. It was mainly about my classes and my cousin, Komori. But every time I would go-I had to pass by his room, and I would pause to look at him for some reason. 

I still couldn’t understand why I do. 

Then one day-he took it upon himself to make the first move. As I came up the hall to my mother’s room as I always did, he raised his hand up, and gently knocked on the glass. I flinched at the sound. I didn’t look up yet nor noticed how close I was to the glass either. 

The guy waved at me. His arm looked skinny, as if I would’ve made a circle with my thumb and index finger around it. There would still be space in it. 

I waved back, but instead of me walking away after that little interaction. He spoke in a low raspy voice to me. 

“H-hey.” 

This is what I dreaded-warming up to someone who’s near death-and know i’ll cry once they leave this earth. I didn’t want to get close to anyone, but here I am letting myself interact with him. 

“Hi.” I said back. 

“You look young.” 

“So do you.” 

He scuffs. “I’m surprised you think I still look young.” 

“That’s because you do look young. How old are you?” 

Why am I interested in his age? 

“Twenty, and you?” 

“Twenty-one.” 

“You’re a year older than me.” 

“Yeah...I am.” 

“What’s your name?” 

“Why?” 

“If you felt comfortable telling me your age, I thought you would tell me your name too.” 

I sighed. “Kiyoomi Sakusa.” 

The guy smiled. “I’m Miya Atsumu, nice to meet you Omi.” 

“Omi?” 

“I shortened your name to Omi. Is that okay? Should I call you Omi-kun instead?” 

“No...it’s fine...I just never had no one call me that before.” 

“I’m the first one then.” 

“Yeah you are...Tsumu.” 

“Ah, I see you’re doing the same to me.” 

“Yes I am. Do you have a issue with that?” 

“No, I don’t. I like it.” 

“Good. Also I would continue this conversation, but i’m here to see someone.” 

“Wait.” Atsumu turns his head to reach for something, and turns his head to me. He shows me his phone. “Can I have your number?” 

“Why would you want that?” 

“To text, duh.” 

I look at his phone and look back at him. “Fine, but no promises that I’ll respond to any messages.”

“That’s fine.” Atsumu grinned. 

“I’m about to say my number once so listen carefully.” 

“Okay.” 

He typed in my number into his phone, and showed me the contact name he saved me under. 

_Omi-Omi._

“First it was Omi, then Omi-kun, and now it’s Omi-Omi.” 

“I like this nickname more.” 

“Alright.” I point to my mother’s room-which he couldn’t see from inside his own room. “I have to go now, see you whenever.” 

“Bye Omi-Omi!” he said with another weak smile. 

I walked off to my mother’s room. _Did I really just give him my number?_

That day after I left the hospital, Atsumu didn’t waste time to text my phone. I usually would ignore anyone that texts my number, and mute them to prevent myself from hearing that annoying ding. But this time I allowed myself to reply to him. I don’t know either-maybe it is pity. 

I spent that night exchanging messages with Atsumu. He had a sense of humor, and seemed to act like someone who isn’t connected to a machine. He was mystifying-but i’m not complaining. He didn’t text me like the others do nor did he sound like he had a motive for contacting me. He texted me with friendly vibes. I like that. 

The others would’ve tried to get close to me, to see if I would step outside, or they would message me and treat me like a guy with a insane phobia. They treated me like a stranger-well _some_ did. No names needed to be said, but they are guys-some are girls-with a jerk personality. 

Atsumu was the opposite. 

I mean, he doesn’t know about my phobia yet, and the energy he was giving off through text gave me comfort. A part of me, the walls I kept up inside, didn’t want to be disappointed if he was weirded out by my phobia. 

“I haven’t met him for a day, technically I’ve been looking at him for a few days, but we only known each other for one day and I already warmed up to him. My standards are low, huh?” I said to myself while I laid on my couch replying to Atsumu’s messages. “He is a guy I wouldn’t mind giving my time. At least he isn’t annoying.” 

I fell asleep mid-conversation with Atsumu, and didn’t realize that I did. My eyes were heavy and closed without my knowledge. Classes has me exhausted from studying for exams, but also from cleaning for hours to no end without rest. I guess it took a toll on my body. 

The sound of my annoying ringtone roused me awake. “Who the hell is calling me?” 

I rubbed my eyes and look at my screen. “Why is he calling me?”

I answer the call. “Hello?” 

The sound of an energetic voice responds on the other end. “Omi-Omi! I didn’t interrupt you from anything, did I?”

“Yeah, I was asleep, but it’s fine. What did you need?” 

“Ah, I’m sorry! I thought you were awake! My bad! I wanted to call you to see when you were coming back to visit your person!” 

“Tomorrow. It’s my mom that i’m visiting. She wants to talk to me and make sure i’m not dead.” A soft, raspy, tender laugh escaped my lips. 

When was the last time I laughed? Or smiled? I forgot that I could laugh. 

I covered my mouth with my hand-I took off my gloves earlier since I was in the safety of my own home-and waited for Atsumu’s reaction to it. 

Anyone who was close to me or met me knows I don’t laugh or smile, so for me to let out such a odd reaction from my own words. It was out of character for me. I wanted to hear his opinion on my laugh since he was the first one-other than my mom and Komori-to hear my laugh. 

“You should do that more.” Atsumu said. 

“Do what more?” I asked. 

“Laugh. It sounded nice. If I’m honest, you always have a smug look on your face whenever you pass by my room. I always wanted to see you smile or laugh for some reason. Is it wrong to ask a complete stranger to laugh or smile?” 

“No.” I sighed in relief knowing he didn’t hate my laugh. “It’s not wrong for you to ask for my laugh. I’m not going to filter my words with you. I don’t usually laugh or smile on a daily basis. It’s not me. For me to smile or laugh around you or anyone else, it’s going to take some time for me to adjust to you to do that.” 

“I don’t mind. I’ll wait for you to warm up to me.” 

“Thank you.” 

_I should tell him straightforward about my phobia. If he ends up being alike the others, then we wasn’t meant to be friends or acquaintances. I’m not going to drag this out with him not knowing my fear of germs. It’s better to tell him and prevent myself from any future consequences._

_It’s not like I want him to be my friend or anything._

“Atsumu.” I exhaled with a sense of regret in my tone. I didn’t want to do this, but I had to-he needed to know if he planned to get any closer to me. 

“Yes Omi?” 

“Before we decide to build trust and a friendship amongst each other, I need you to know something about myself. It’s important to acknowledge and be aware of.” 

“What is it?” I could hear worry in his voice. 

“I’m a germaphobe. I’m not too fond of germs, the sight of germs, the term germ, or anything that might have germs on it. Any surface that might have a single germ on it, I have the urge to disinfect it for hours until I am satisfied. I wear masks all the time, except in my own home, and wear gloves to not directly touch any foreign surface. I understand completely if you don’t want to continue this acquaintance bond. I just needed to tell you before this dragged on any longer.” 

Atsumu giggled. “I won’t judge you for a phobia you can’t control. That’s who you are. I’m not someone to hate anyone for a trait that they have or anything that makes them not alike other people. If you are a germaphobe, then you are a germaphobe. That’s normal. I feel delighted that you told me. That means you want my sense of awareness of your phobia to continue this bond we’re creating. That’s enough to put a smile on my face. Thank you telling me, Omi.” 

I didn’t realize I was holding my breath the whole time he was speaking and exhaled. “Alright then, if you are comfortable with my phobia, I don’t mind continuing to build a friendship with you.” 

“I am comfortable, Omi. Thank you for trusting me.” 

“Trust is a big word to define it. But yeah, I can see myself trusting you.” 

“Since we’re talking about phobias. I have Acrophobia. I despise heights, any building with more than five floors gives me anxiety, I hate climbing stairs without a railing, the thought of even leaning over a railing terrifies me, but you get the picture of it.” 

I let out another small laugh. “A phobia of heights. That’s something I never heard someone say to me. Everyone in my small circle either loves jumping off a high diving board into a pool or try to jump higher than an average human can.” 

“I used to jump up to seven feet high to block balls, but that’s the furthest to jumping high up without getting anxious I have did.” 

“You played a sport?” 

“Yeah, I used to play volleyball. I had to stop a few weeks ago. You know, since i’m in the hospital, and I can’t risk giving anyone the stupid virus.” 

“That sounds sad to be going through. I stopped playing volleyball in high school. I didn’t hate it or anything, but I wanted to pursue something else.” 

“That’s a understandable reason to stop being volleyball. Thought of anything to pursue?” 

I shrugged. “Not a thought came to mind.” 

“It’ll come to you one day. You’re still young to still figure out your future.” 

“Yeah, you’re right.” 

We conversated for hours. I felt lightweight talking with him-a feeling unknown to me that I can’t quite get used to. But it’s a feeling I don’t mind experiencing. 

\-----

I returned to the hospital the next day. I finished up my classes and came straight here. 

Same old routine-check my temperature, get my visitor’s pass, walk through the hallway, and reaching that corner to walk next to Atsumu’s room. 

He was sitting up this time and looked at me with a smile on his face. He waved at me. “Hey Omi-Omi!” 

I waved back. “Hey Atsumu.”

“Visiting your mom again?” 

“Duh, I told you yesterday I was.” 

“Oh right.” He lets out a small laugh. “I’ll see you when you come back out.”

“Alright Atsumu.” 

I walk to my mother’s room to briefly speak to her. Our conversation was short-she was put on anesthesia and the doctor was about to return in a minute. 

I left the room just in time. The doctor came down the hallway and rolled her out the room. She was rolled somewhere out of sight and I stood in front of Atsumu’s glass window. I turned to look at him. “I’m back.” 

“I see that.” He smiles. 

I could see him holding his phone in his hand with a pair of earphones inserted in the jack. He must’ve been listening to music, while I was in the room earlier. 

“I have a question.” 

“Yes?” 

“Do you get any visitors?” 

He didn’t respond for a moment. His expression saddened a bit as he thought of his answer. “I did. The first few days that I was here I did have some visitors, but they stopped coming to see me for some unknown reason.” 

“Don't you have family that might come to see you?” 

“A brother and a mom. My brother stopped coming and never told me why, my mom told me she was too ‘busy’ to visit me. You could say I haven’t seen none of my family or friends in weeks.”

“Maybe they’re busy?” 

“Maybe…” 

I looked down at the floor. “Anyways...what made you want to talk to me in the first place?”

“You’re the only person i’ve seen come down this hallway other than doctors or nurses.” 

“That’s depressing.” 

“It is.” 

“Isn’t it ironic that we both used to play volleyball and we both struggle with a phobia?” 

Atsumu nods. “Yes it is ironic, but that’s what helps us get along better right?” 

“Right.”

“I never asked but you mentioned that you worked jobs online. Why do you do that if you said your mom pays majority of everything?”

“To make my own money to pay for my own gas, groceries, and anything I think I might need.” 

“Oh...I can’t remember the last time I worked a job.” 

“Working sucks. It’s not worth remembering.” 

“As someone that’s not allowed out of this room, I like to think about numerous things. So remembering my jobs is nice to think about.” 

“I pity you.” I mumbled. “But don’t you get out of bed? You have plenty of space to walk around.” 

“Yeah, I do sometimes. I usually jog around my room, stretch, or look out my window at the street.” 

“I envy you for not going insane.” 

“It’s hard not to when you don’t have nothing to do.” 

“Well, you know you can text me or call me if you need someone to take your mind off that, and I can come up to see you if I can.” 

“You’re so nice, Omi-Omi.” Atsumu teased. 

“Shut up.” I looked up at him with a glare. My expression softened seeing him smile brightly. “I would stay longer to talk with you, but I have to get home. Unless you want to talk more?”

“If you need to get home, then I won’t hold you back.” 

“Atsumu, if you have anything to ask me, then you can ask me now. I don’t mind staying a bit longer to answer your questions.”

Atsumu made a thin line with his lips. “It’s a stupid question.” 

“I don’t mind. Ask me.” 

“Do you believe in the after life?” 

“After life?” 

“Heaven. Do you truly believe that it exists?” 

“I do. Why do you ask?” 

“I want to go there. It sounds like a nice place to go to if this life doesn’t work out for me.” 

“Stop talking about death. You’re not going to die.”

“We’re all going to die sometime. Talking about death is just my way to pass time.” 

_I know that! But who wants to talk about death at a young age?_

“If that’s what you like to think about, then I won’t judge you.” 

“Thanks Omi.” 

_Don’t thank me. It makes me feel like you’re going to go soon._

“Do you ever feel timid about death?” I asked him. 

He looked at me with sad eyes. “All the time.” 

\------

Before we both knew it, it’s been two months, since I started to visit Atsumu. My mother was discharged a few days ago. It seemed that she did have the virus, but she fought the virus miraculously on her own. After staying in the hospital for another two weeks, they resulted that she defeated corona completely and didn’t have a single sign of it left inside of her. 

I felt relieved, but now that the main reason I actually go to the hospital is healed. I had to accept the fact that I want to see Atsumu without covering up the truth saying; ‘it’s because my mother is next to him so it’s convenient to speak to him’ or ‘he asked me to go there’. 

The real truth is that I want to go see him. Not as pity, but as a friend. 

I came to terms with that fact and won’t deny it. He’s the first person I actually look at as a friend that I want to keep in contact with. 

_And the first person, besides my mother and Komori, I don’t see as a measly germ._

Him and I talk about a lot of things-from our childhood to our personal life. He asks about what outside feels like from time to time. He isn’t allowed to open the window or stepping a foot outside that room. He has his own bathroom inside the room,so he doesn’t have to go outside to bathe or use the toilet. 

The longer I talk to him-the more I realize and see how much he’s suffering. Couped up in that room alone with no entertainment except me coming to visit him or us talking on the phone. His friends are busy trying to win tournaments and can’t visit. His brother mysteriously is not coming to visit. His mom is lying saying she’s busy, but her lie is so see-through that even the doctors and nurses noticed. They whisper about how unmotherly she acts and how lonely Atsumu must feel.

_They need to stop talking about him, as if he isn’t in that room._

Other than the nurses and doctors speaking rudely behind Atsumu’s back, and his family and friends not visiting him. I try to not let Atsumu feel alone by giving him my attention if I can. 

Today was a holiday from classes, it was around Christmas time. I eyed my freshly scrubbed kitchen floor, while I try to think of a gift to give to him. He said he didn’t want anything, but I want him to have something that’ll give him entertainment. Something that’ll be useful. 

I groan and stood up. “I have time to think about it, but for now I need to clean my house. It’s dirty.” 

It wasn’t dirty, but my head says it is. 

“Would the hospital even let me bring him a present?” I mused. 

I vacuumed my room from top to bottom. I was overthinking the possibilities if I try to bring a gift to him. 

_Wait, how can I give a present without catching what he has? I don’t think he even open the door. I think a nurse or doctor has to open his door for him to get it. Ugh. This is so complicated._

My vacuuming took a bit of time to finish, and I didn’t notice my phone vibrating on the dining table. I put away the vacuum cleaner, and checked my phone for any messages from Atsumu or Komori. 

Atsumu sent me random memes he found on the web, and Komori didn’t send any messages. His recent message was from early this morning, and he told me he was going on a date with his manager. I’ve never met any of his teammates, managers, or coaches personally. But I do know his managers are young and love to practice with the team. 

I replied to Atsumu before continuing my cleaning. I let my thoughts drown me into a infinite world where my insecurities mocked me. I couldn’t stop overthinking when i’m by myself. It’s the only time I can really think about what’s bothering me. 

I was in my bedroom reorganizing my closet when I heard my ringtone. I put the stack of shirts I recently just folded down onto my bed and went to answer my phone. 

“Hello?” 

“Omi-Omi! Hey! Did you finish cleaning yet?” 

“Not quite. I’m reorganizing my closet.” 

“How do you organize your closet? I’m curious.” 

“It’s a bit complicated.” 

“I don’t mind listening.” 

I cracked a small smile. “Okay.” 

I explained my complicated organization technique to him, and he listened to every word I had to say. 

“It’s not far from how I used to organize my closet. You can say that i’m a neat person somewhat.” Atsumu said. 

“Really? I never expected you to have a clean side.” 

Atsumu laughs. “I do. Not as big as you, but I like to organize my belongings. It helps with my day to day life.” 

I couldn’t stop smiling. We had a lot of things in common. “Anyway, besides our cleaning strategy, why did you call? I mean I don’t mind, but you usually text first.” 

“I wanted to watch a movie together on face call.” 

“How? All you have is a phone-” Atsumu cut me off. 

“Remember my brother? Osamu? I told you about him. How he refused to visit me? Well he decided to see me, but he gave me some of my things as entertainment. He brought my laptop, which I missed a lot, he also brought my books, I’m a bookworm, and my volleyball. I know I can’t play volleyball, but I can still hold one. It reminds me of my days playing and having fun.” 

“That’s nice of him.” I said while I went back to my room to finish my organization. “But sure, we can face call, and watch a movie. What did you have in mind?” 

“Something blood boiling and exciting.” 

“I’m not into action movies, but i’ll watch it with you. Why not?” 

“Yes! Thanks Omi-Omi!” 

We continued to talk about which movie we should watch, and what time we should watch it. I didn’t care for the time or movie. If Atsumu wanted to watch an action movie with, then i’ll sit through two hours of it for him. The friend I finally care for. 

“Shit!” I dropped my jeans onto the floor. 

“What happened? Are you alright?” Atsumu asked frantically. 

“I’m fine, but I dropped my jeans on the ground.” I groaned. 

“Damn, now you have to rewash them.” 

I pick them up off the ground and made my way to the washing machine. “Yeah, I don’t tolerate dirt or germs for shit.”

I was angry. Not because I dropped my favorite pair of jeans on the ground, but because he had to hear me swear like a sailor. I didn’t want to show my vulnerable and sensitive side to him. I hate the thought of him thinking I get angry easily. I don’t have anger issues-besides of getting sneezed on or coughed on-I don’t have any type of anger issues. But things just allow those words to roll off my tongue.

I press start on the machine and continued talking with Atsumu. 

“Omi, are you okay?” He asked for the tenth time. 

“Yes, yes.” I put my phone between my ear and shoulder to take off my gloves. I throw them away in my trash can and slipped on another pair of gloves. “Are you okay?” 

“I’m alright. Just bored and losing my sanity each second that passes.” 

“I can’t imagine the pain of sitting in a room all alone with a virus.” 

“It’s a nightmare. My symptoms aren’t bad, I just get stuffy here and there, and my sleeping schedule is off but it’s not bad.” 

“Do you think your twin brother has it too?” 

“I doubt it. He moved out months ago with his boyfriend. Before the coronavirus outbreak, he was out the house with him, and they ended up quarantining together. I was reckless and an idiot. I did the procedures, but I let a mistake bring me here. In his hospital.” 

I sit on my bed to fold the rest of my clothes that I forgot to fold. “What did you do?” 

“I was playing volleyball with a friend from my team, and I allowed them into my home. It was raining that day, so I let them take shelter with me. I took off my mask for a brief moment, only a damn moment to dry off, and he talked to me too close up. He-he sneezed into his hand. I backed away from instincts, and sprayed my house with Lysol. But I wasn’t quick enough.” 

“He had corona and you caught it…” I mumbled with a guilt feeling in my stomach. Not because I felt bad for him, but I wished I could’ve been there to prevent it. To tell him to stay home that day and not go near anyone. 

_If only we met outside the hospital, then I could’ve let you quarantine with me. This wouldn’t have happened. But the world is a sadist-it loves to see people suffer in ways we wished that didn’t exist._

“Yeah…” He sounded sad. I despised that sorrowful tone. 

I need to change the topic. “Hey, um, Atsumu. I think we should watch ‘5 feet apart’ and ‘John Wick’. Those are two good movies.” 

“I heard of that American movie, but what’s ‘5 feet apart’?” 

“It’s on my watchlist. I don’t know what’s it’s about, but it’s a movie about two people that fall in love.” 

“A romance movie. I never really watch those, but i’ll give it a shot.” 

_I watch a lot of romance movies, and he watches a lot of action movies. That’s the only difference between us, but we’re both willing to watch something we never seen before._

“Great. What time you want to watch them?” I asked. 

His tone returned back to his normal self. He didn’t sound down anymore-which is good. 

“Whenever you’re finished with your cleaning.” 

“I’ll be finished in a bit. I’ll call you back once I’m done.” 

“Okay Omi!” 

“Bye Atsumu, see you in a bit.” 

“Bye Omi!” 

The line clicked. I put my phone in my pocket and resumed my organizing. I was meticulous with it. Nothing wrinkled, unfolded, messily placed, or out of order. Exactly how it should look-neat. 

I waited for the washing machine to stop, and hanged my jeans up to dry. I took off my gloves to wash my hands. 

“I finished everything. Now I just need to set up my laptop for the call.” 

I went into my room to grab my laptop off the charger. I only used it for classes, but this is the first time i’ll use it for personal reasons. 

I placed the laptop on the couch, I quickly grabbed the blanket out the closet, and laid it onto the couch next to the laptop. I sent a text to Atsumu saying i’m about to call him. 

I logged onto my laptop and propped it up on my coffee table. I took off my mask and folded it neatly on the coffee table. 

“This will be his first time seeing my face, huh?” I chuckled while I imagined what his reaction would be. 

The laptop finished setting up, and set it up to share my screen on the call. I went onto the movie app to find the movie, and dialed Atsumu on the laptop. 

He picked up on the fourth ring. “Hey Omi! Sorry my laptop took a while to set up!” 

He wasn’t looking at the screen, instead he was searching for something. He grabbed a pair of headphones and glanced at the screen. His eyes widen. “Omi! You have your mask off?” 

“Of course. I’m about to watch a movie.” 

“Y-you look...um...handsome.” He diverted his eyes and connected his headphones into the laptop. 

“Thanks.” I felt a tug on my heart strings when he called me ‘handsome’. Maybe it’s because no one really calls me that, or it’s just him calling me that for the first time. 

“Is the movie ready?” He still kept his eyes diverted. 

I held back my laugh. “You have to look to figure it out.”

He slowly looks at the screen. I could see the embarrassment in his eyes. “Oh...it is.” 

“Are you ready to watch now, Tsumu?” 

He nods. “Yes Omi.” 

I got comfortable under the blanket, while he fixed his headphones on his head. I pressed play on the screen and the movie started. 

During the movie, Atsumu would cover his mouth to cough or blow his nose, and yes I would flinch from the sudden sound but he looked in pain. As if coughing or sneezing gave him agony. I pretended not to notice, so he wouldn’t try to apologize. The pity wasn’t worth it if he couldn’t be mindful of his own health. My phobia isn’t triggered by his actions-it usually would. I would wipe down my screen or panic thinking the germs would flow through the screen.

With him-I was worried if he was okay or not. 

The movie finished and I sat up to stretch. I laid still for a full two hours without moving at all. My arms were numb and my back was stiff. 

“Ah! That movie was amazing! Everything was like gwah!” He said with hand movement. 

“It really was interesting.” I smiled and put on the other movie. 

“Omi...are you sleepy?” He asked with concern. 

“No, i’m not. Thanks for asking.” I click on the movie. “Are you sleepy?” 

“Uh-uh. I’m not.” 

“Good. Then get ready to watch my kind of movie.” 

“This will be something new for me. Romantic stuff.” 

“Don’t you like romantic things?” 

He shrugs. “I never dated anyone before. I always been busy with volleyball and life. Dating or falling in love with someone wasn’t in my interest at all.” 

“I dated someone before years ago. It didn’t last long nor was it special to remember. My phobia got the best of me, and caused us to break up.” 

“Then you didn’t kiss them or hug them?” 

“The thought of kissing someone sends chills down my spine, and hugging someone is difficult to do when the thought of germs enters your mind. The only people I ever managed to hug is my mother and my cousin, Komori. My old Captain hugged me once, but I didn’t mind it. I known him for a while, but he gets annoying at times.” 

“My Captain never hugged me. He only pats my head or hits my back. The only person I hugged is my mom and brother. I never kissed anyone before. If kissing my mom on the cheek doesn’t count.” 

“Nah, it doesn’t count. Only romantic kisses allowed.” I said snuggling under the blanket again. 

“Omi...can I ask you a odd question?” 

“Sure.” 

“Are you heterosexual?” 

I thought of my answer before I spoke. “I mean...I wouldn’t say I thought about my preferences. I’m not picky on gender or anything. I’m into females and males, but the gender doesn’t matter to me. I think i’m pansexual.” 

“Pansexual?” Atsumu grinned. “Cool! I’m bisexual.” 

“Oh really?” 

He nods. 

“Why did you ask anyway?” 

“It just popped into my head, since we were talking about kissing and hugging.” 

“Oh, well, now you know i’m pansexual and I know you’re bisexual.” 

Atsumu nods again. “Let’s watch the movie Omi!” 

“Mhm.” 

\------

A few minutes into the movie, I started to overthink on the importance of touch. 

What's touch to me? Do I actually need to experience skin-to-skin touching? 

My germaphobia is a emotional triggering aspect that controls how close I can get to someone-without experiencing a sudden urge to pour bleach on a surface. 

Touching someone...your skin on their skin...the warmth of someone else's skin against yours when you intertwine your fingers with theirs...the affection being shown by touching...feeling...fondness. 

My heart stung thinking about it. 

I had the chance to touch warm, soft skin months ago. _Someone's_ skin. 

My eyes looked from the movie on the screen-the characters had fallen in love, and snuck around to see each other. At five feet.-to glance at the merigold haired guy with the brunette colored eyes. 

Touching someone... _A part of me wonders if I could ignore my phobia...to touch someone._

What does touching someone does for you? Give you comfort? Make you feel loved? Put a smile on your face? 

_I want someone to put a smile on my face. Like how he put a smile on her face in the movie. From the first time they held that poolstick to the memorable moments._

As I continued to watch the movie, my eyes watched as the characters tried to be in love without touching, but the incident pulled them away. The best friend died. 

Tears weld up in my eyes watching her cry. I couldn't imagine losing someone close to me. My mom. Hell, she'd be the first to give me a mental breakdown. Komori. He'd make me cry for days to no end. 

I look up at Atsumu again. _What does it feel like to lose someone close to you?_

Further into the movie, near the end, I saw a tear betray Atsumu's eye, and fall down his cheek. He cried seeing the two characters lose each other over the frozen lake incident. 

I was crying too. 

Not loud but silently. 

The movie ended. We were a mess. We had bags under our eyes from crying so much, and our faces were wet from sobbing. 

Only one question came to mind after that heartfelt movie; _Will I ever experience that pain?_

\----

Atsumu and I had fallen asleep on the phone together. 

We watched two more movies to forget that sad feeling from ‘five feet apart’. I didn’t noticed I had fallen asleep, until I woke up to the sound of his snoring. 

I turned over in my sleep to ignore the sound, and faced the couch to fall back into my dreams. 

The sound of a heart monitor roused me awake, and I turned to my laptop-that was still propped up on the coffee table. I saw Atsumu awake looking away from the camera. 

I jolted up when the memories of last night came back to me. I held my head in my hand and groaned at the sudden intense pain. I had a headache. “Ugh…” 

“Oh, Good morning Omi.” Atsumu said in a low voice. 

“Morning Atsumu.” I said as I got up to go my kitchen. 

“Did you sleep well?” Atsumu asked while I grabbed a glass to fill up with water. 

“Not quite.” I responded before I swallowed a pain relief tablet. 

“That’s unfortunate Omi, I hope you’ll feel better.” 

“How did you sleep?” I washed my glass, dried it, and put it back. 

“I slept okay.” 

“Why do you sound so down in the slumps?” 

“No reason.” 

“Atsumu…” 

“Omi, it’s embarrassing.” 

“Tell me, Atsumu. I won’t judge you.” 

Atsumu bit his bottom lip. He hesitated to tell me. 

I sat back down on the couch, and watched him blush to his ear tips. 

“T-the movie.” He mumbled. “I thought about the romance movie. Five feet apart.” 

“What about it?” 

“I may or may not had thought about falling in love like they did in the movie. To be selfish and fight hard to love the person you want. I thought about it all night.” 

I felt a sting in my heart. _What is this that i’m feeling?_

“Oh you did? Who did you think of?” 

“I won’t say who, but I will say...they’re the most amazing person I have met.” 

“They are?” My heart cried. 

“Yes, they are. I might even think that I like them.” 

“Confess to them then.” 

“Confess?” Atsumu’s eyes looked at me with concern and looked down. “I don’t know.” 

“It’ll be worth it if you confess to them.” 

_Stop it heart, don’t make me feel hurt hearing his words. I’m not in love with him, i’m not._

“I rather keep thinking about it-I have to make sure i’m ready.” 

“If that’s what you want.” 

Atsumu runs his fingers through his bed hair. “Do you have class today?” 

“No, I don’t. I mean I have to complete an assignment for my class, but I can do it later.” I shifted my eyes away from him. My tears attempting to betray my eyes to fall. “Don’t you have any classes for college?” 

“I didn’t have a way to complete my major, so I doubt i’m even still enrolled at college.” 

“Did you inform your college about your stay in the hospital?” 

“I did, I told them about me catching the virus, and they told me that my enrollment there will be temporarily paused until further notice. If that’s the case, then they might’ve dropped my courses and mailed my house with a letter about my tuition being dropped.” 

“Seeing how long you’ve been in the hospital-they probably did.” 

“I hope I don’t have to restart my entire major. That would be a pain in the ass.” 

“You might have to repeat it. You’ve been in the hospital for weeks-you’ll need to redo the year.” 

Atsumu groans. “This sucks. If only I wore a mask that day-I wouldn’t have caught this stupid virus.” 

“You did wear a mask-you just didn’t wear another fast enough.”

“Anyways,” Atsumu clearly feels sad about being in the hospital. “What are you planning to do today?” 

“I cleaned my home yesterday, so other than being in my jeans. Nothing.” 

“The doctors will come in soon to bring me my food, so I don’t know what i’ll do. Reading another book sounds like my best option.” 

“It does. I mean we can call again in a few hours.” 

“Or…” Atsumu smiles at me. “We could stay on call. We already did all night.” 

“We fell asleep on call-that was an accident.” 

“Come on.” Atsumu pouts. “It’ll be fun.” 

I roll my eyes. “Whatever, but you’ll sit here while I go wash up. I feel dirty.” 

“Take your time Omi!” 

“Uh-huh. I’ll be back in a bit.” 

I got up and walked to quickly grab my jeans from outside, then I placed them on the ironing board. I put out the clothes I would wear today, and grabbed a new towel and cloth to wash. 

I showered, brushed my teeth, washed my face-again, got dressed, ironed my jeans, folded them neatly, and put them away with the rest of my jeans. I checked myself in the mirror one more time, before I went back to the couch to talk to Atsumu. 

“I’m back.” 

“You look nice, Omi.” Atsumu smiled. 

“Thanks, I see you have your food.” 

Atsumu nods, “They cooked me a delicious meal.” 

“Nice. I’m about to cook myself something to eat, i’ll be back.” 

“Okay Omi!” 

I went to the kitchen to prepare myself breakfast. I put it on a plate, and eat it at the table with Atsumu propped up in front of me. We ate and talked about a bunch of things. 

That day was spent doing regular routines, and not much else-except this nagging feeling inside of me screaming ‘it’s him’ and ‘that’s who you want’. 

\-----

That night I had spent it off call to rethink about my emotions. I felt embarrassed thinking about Atsumu again-I have been for a full week now. 

What is love to me? 

I haven’t been in love before, and to suddenly feel such intense emotions with him. I don’t know how to feel or react with him. I try to act normal around him-or at least what I think is ‘normal’-and avoid him knowing that I think of him and the word ‘love’ in the same sentence. 

I laid there under my warm covers with it up to my nose. I kept the image of his face in my head-what did I like about his face? 

_It’s soft looking, almost tempting to touch...there’s that word again...touch._

I clutch my chest at that word. Touch. 

“I-I can’t touch him, I can’t kiss him, I can’t hug him, or show him any type of affection that I want to give.” My voice cracked trying to speak. I didn’t notice the hot tears streaming down my face. I usually would freak out about the tears touching my pillow, but I ignored it-my agony and devastating urge to just place my naked fingers on his skin was tempting. I wanted to hold his face in my hands, or at least hold his hands. 

But I can’t do that. 

“Why? Why did the world suddenly turn into a overwhelming tragedy of endless wrath of emotions to torment us? Why can’t I live in a time where I can lay my hand on his? The person I truly don’t mind touching without a stupid glove-can’t even be within my reach.” My words broke me into pieces. I finally realized my feelings towards him. 

I love him. I love Miya Atsumu.

Not just normal love, but the overly kind where you want to stand close as possible with them. The kind where you want to declare your love for them to the world by shouting on a rooftop. The kind where you’ll risk everything to be with them. The kind that makes you have stupid, reckless thoughts to feel their warm embrace. Just once. 

I want to have that special, memorable moment with Atsumu. To hold him in my arms and never let him go. _Ever_.

\----

That same night I dreamt of Atsumu-as if we weren’t in this pandemic. We were in a park together, it was dark outside, no cars to disrupt the mood, nor people around. We were all alone to talk. 

“Omi?” Atsumu looked confused. He held a volleyball between his side and arm, and held a phone in the other hand. “Why did you call me out so late?” 

I took a deep breath. The freezing cold hit the back of my throat, and I exhaled-I could see my breath in the air. The tension was so thick that you could cut it with a knife. “Atsumu, I wanted to tell you something, I’ve been thinking about it for a while now. I wanted to get it off my chest.” 

“Okay…” Atsumu’s face soften to a worried expression. “What do you have to tell me?” 

“I-I…” I looked down to the wet grass. “I have fallen in love with you, Atsumu.” I looked up to see Atsumu’s reaction.

Atsumu’s eyes widen in shock. “What?” 

“It’s true. I know it’s a bit strange for me to just catch feelings like this, but my love isn’t a mistake. It’s real and I can’t hide it anymore. I love you, Atsumu.” 

I watch as Atsumu drop his volleyball onto the ground, and his hand flew to his mouth to cover his quivering lip. His eyes glistened and threatened to make tears come out of them. Those beautiful brunette eyes that I fell in love with at first sight-they were looking at me with sadness. 

“W-what? What’s wrong? Did I say something bad?” I asked with regret. 

_Did I make a mistake telling him my love?_

He shoved his phone into his pants pocket, and his other hand flew to his chest to clutch it. He was breathing heavily. “This isn’t true...right?” 

I shook my head and bit my bottom lip to prevent my own tears from coming out. _Did he not love me back? Did I upset him?_

“Holy shit!” Atsumu knees buckled and he fell to the wet ground. He hunched over and whimpered. “Is this really happening? Am I fucking dreaming?” 

“No, Atsumu, you’re not. This is real.” I replied.

He glanced up at me. His tears came down his cheek fast, and he uncovered his mouth to speak more clearly. “Real? I’m not imagining this scene again? I-I can finally be with you?” 

“What do you mean ‘finally be with me’?” 

Atsumu’s lips pulled back into a smile. “I’m in love with you too, Omi. I have been for too long. I’m so happy right now. I don’t know what to do or say.” 

My shoulders relaxed and the tears I tried so hard to hold in-came streaming down my cheeks. I covered my mouth as I couldn’t believe my own ears. I didn’t believe it. “You love me too? Really? No joke?” 

Atsumu nods. “I love you, Omi.” 

I smiled behind my hand-this was a dream come true for me. I removed my hand from my face, extended my arms wide, and cried while smiling at Atumu. “Come here, Atsumu. Please.” 

Atsumu got up off the ground, ran to me, and embraced me tightly. I tightened my hold on him and nuzzled into the crook of his neck. I sobbed with him. Our love was mutual. 

I could feel the warmth of his body against mine, the way his skin felt against my fingertips, it felt unreal. I never wanted this moment to end. 

I took my head off his shoulder to look at him in the eyes-those damned brunette eyes. They were so beautiful-they got me so captivated. 

We leaned in close to each other, then our lips touched. I could feel his soft, sweet lips against mines. My mind went blank. I was too happy to think. 

Please don’t let this moment end-I yearned for this moment to happen. 

  
  


The sound of my phone ringing roused me awake. I jolted up out of my sleep, rubbed my eyes, grabbed my phone off the charger, and I put it to my ear after I answered it. 

“Hello?” 

“Sakusa?” 

“Oh hey Komori.” 

“Hey, I wanted to call you to tell you that I’m going out of the country for a tournament. I won’t be back for a week or two.” 

“Go ahead and go. I’ll wait for your calls and text messages.” I yawned. 

“I’ll definitely call you when I have the chance. Talk to you later, cousin.” 

“Bye Komori.” 

The line clicked and I tossed my phone beside me on the bed. 

I blinked trying to process what was happening. 

It took a minute for the hot tears to stream down my cheeks again. I gripped the covers and wailed. The dream wasn’t real. 

“Goddamit!” I put my hands to my face to sob into them. “I fell in love with him and now I won’t be able do what we did in my dream. I hate this.” 

\-----

I mourned the strain in the depths of my heart, as I laid there in bed complementing if I should get up or not. My body felt heavy. I dreaded the thought of movement. If I moved, i’ll cry, if I stay still I won’t get nothing done. 

I buried my head under the covers. “I’ll skip class today.” 

_Should I get another online job to distract myself? No. That’s a waste of time. I won’t last a week nor a month in a job. My schedule won’t match the shifts I need to work to get paid._

_I won’t work then, instead i’ll clean my house again to feel better. Cleaning always cheers me up._

I groaned at the movement again. “I’ll stay in bed for today. I don’t want to do anything at all.” 

\-----

“Omi!” 

I sipped on my freshly brewed coffee, and stared at the smiling male on my computer screen. “No.” 

“I didn’t say anything yet.” 

“It’s probably something stupid.” 

“It’s not! I promise!” Atsumu whined. 

I hid my grin behind my cup and looked away. “No.” 

“Just hear me out.” 

“You got ten seconds.” 

“Another movie night.” 

“No.” 

“Please Omi-Omi?” 

I look back at the computer screen. I put down my cup, and squinted at him. “What movies?” 

“I was thinking we should watch these movies.” Atsumu showed me his phone. “They look good to watch, right?” 

“No.” 

“Omi?” Atsumu gave me the puppy dog eyes to beg for me to say yes. 

My heart squeezed seeing the adorable sight. _Cute_. 

I roll my eyes. “Whatever, just don’t count on me staying awake.” 

“Yay! Another virtual sleepover!” 

“The movies better not suck or i’ll cancel the next movie might.” 

“They won’t. I promise.” 

“You better keep your word.” 

  
  


Night time came, I snuggled under the warm blanket on the couch, and watched the movies with Atsumu on the laptop. 

I didn’t remember what part of movie I fell asleep on, but my eyes fell shut at one point. I was in complete darkness with blurry images of people I loved around me, and then Atsumu’s picture was clear to see and big. His huge smile planted on his face, and his cheeks being a light pink from happiness. I loved looking at it. It was a beautiful picture. 

  
  


I woke up to the sound of loud beeping. I jolted up from the sound, and looked at the screen-the movie ended. My eyes went to Atsumu-his heart monitor was beeping fast. My eyes grew wide. 

“Atsumu!” I shouted. 

Atsumu didn’t wake up or answer. 

“Atsumu wake up!” I shouted again. 

He didn’t answer. 

“Just open your eyes to look at me!” 

He laid there motionless in the bed barely breathing. 

“Fuck!” I quickly hopped off the couch, went to the front door to slip on my shoes, grabbed my keys, and ran out the door. The cold air hit my exposed face and arms. 

I jumped into my car, and drove away from my house. I didn’t waste time to arrive at the hospital. Once I parked, I slipped on my extra mask I had, my face shield, and my gloves before getting out of the car. I ran to the entrance, got my temperature checked, and did the usual procedures to reach Atsumu’s floor. 

“Please god! Don’t let nothing happen to him!” 

I ran past the same rooms, same doctors, to reach his room. His door was closed and no one was inside except for him. I bammed on the glass window to get his attention. His face slowly turned to face me-he wasn’t smiling or had any emotion at all. He was neutral. 

“Atsumu? Please...are you okay? Do I need to get a doctor?” 

Atsumu blinked. “No.” he said in a voice that almost a whisper. 

“Atsumu?” 

“Remember when I said that if it was my time to leave this earth, I wouldn’t mind?” 

“Atsumu please, don’t say crap like that! You’re not going to die!” 

“I don’t mind dying, at least I died seeing you for the last time. It’s a good way to die.” 

“Stop talking nonsense! Please!” 

Atsumu barked out a weak laugh. “You can’t get into my room, huh?” 

I curled my fingers too form a fist on the window. “N-no...I can’t.” 

“The glass separates us from touching each other…” Atsumu blinked and a tear fell down his face. He kept that weak smile on his lips. “This is cruel, not getting a chance to hug you, or hold hands for the last time. That would’ve been nice. But seeing you here is better than anything I could ask for.” 

“I know...but we can’t risk it…” I felt my lip tremble. I was two seconds away from crying again like a idiot. 

“Yeah...we can’t…” 

“What if I wore one thousand masks or-” Atsumu cut me off. 

“Stop...you know you can’t do that...it was meant to be like this…” 

I looked around for a doctor, any doctor, why aren’t they coming to prevent him from dying? Where are they? 

I stared into those brunette colored eyes. “Atsumu?”

Atsumu swallowed hard as if breathing was getting harder for him. “I-I...will cherish this last moment with you Omi…” He giggled in a out of tune breath. “Omi-Omi...Omi-kun...I called you so many things.” 

“You did. I loved those names you gave me.” 

“But the name I want you to hear before I leave this earth is…” He reached out to me with a shaking hand as if he wanted to hold my hand. “Lover.” 

His arm fell down onto the bed. The light was slowly fading from his eyes. “If only I could’ve been lucky...to call you that...before I died...Omi.” 

He stopped talking, his eyes were wide open, and his body laid there motionless. The heart monitor signaled a long _beep_ as a sign that he had left. 

“H-he died?” I stared at that motionless, frail body for a minute before I was sobbing. I clutched my heart and looked at him hoping he’d move. “No! T-this isn’t right! I wasn’t ready for him to leave!” 

My head yelled ‘fuck it’ and my legs moved on their own to go inside his room. I swung the door open, ran to his bed in panic, and lifted his small cold body in my arms. I caressed his face with the back of my gloved hand. “Atsumu?” 

I snatched off my face shield with one hand to bury my face in his merigold dyed hair. He smelled like home. 

But I can’t come back to him. 

“Damn it all!” 

I held his hand with my gloved hand and sobbed into his soft hair. “I never got the chance before you left me…” I closed my eyes tightly to savor this last moment with him. “To tell you that i’ve fallen in love with you.” 

I embraced his dead, stiff body close to me. I didn’t want to let go of him-this was the first time I held him, and this was going to be my last time too. 

The person I wanted to be with in this fucked up world...is dead. 

\-----

The funeral was held a week after that. His family visited his open casket to see his cold body one last time. Komori went for me, since I was too busy crying my eyes out holding his belongings I swiped from his room. I know, it’s wrong, but I never had fallen in love with no one before. Not how I’ve fallen for him. 

I wanted something to remember him by. 

I held his volleyball close to me, while I sat cross-legged on my bed. “Come back to me, please...I love you.” 

My tears blurred my vision. I couldn’t see my room. 

I wiped my eyes to see the fallen stack of books on the ground. I sniffed, got out of bed, and carefully picked up the books individually. I placed them onto my nightstand, and noticed one book that stood out for the others. I didn’t notice it before. 

I picked it up, sat on my bed, and opened it. 

_Property of Miya Atsumu: Don’t read this Osamu or i’ll punch you for being nosey._

That was written on the first page. 

I turned the page to another, it was his diary. He wrote his daily life on each page in a neat handwriting. 

I read his words and learned about his private life, his secrets, his thoughts, his insecurities, the friends he made-everything. 

My hand stopped turning when I was the first words on the page. 

_A guy wearing a mask, a face shield, gloves, and a full body covered in clothing head to toe walked past my room today. He and I locked eyes for a split second before he walked off. I liked his eyes-even though it was hard to see them from under his shield._

I kept reading the pages after that-he wrote about our memories that we made together. I ran out of tears to shed. My hands trembled. I was too emotional to conceal it inside of me. 

What broke me down again for the millionth time today was on this page marked with a sticker. 

_Omi asked me to ask out my crush yesterday, but he’s so dense-an idiot almost. He didn’t notice that my crush was him. That the person I fell in love with was him. But he would never love me, that’s fine. My doctor said my immune system won’t fight the virus any longer, and I might not make it. So i’ll spend my last days, my hours, my last breath-talking to him. Even though I will never feel his touch._

“Stupid Atsumu…” I felt the page that he wrote. I could feel the indents on the paper, from every curve on the letters he wrote, to the star sticker that was placed at the top corner. “I love you too.” 

\----

I walked to Atsumu’s grave that day after class, I avoided coming here long enough, I need to see him one last time to move on. 

I placed down my bouquet of flowers onto his tombstone, put my hands together, and gave my blessings to him in silence. 

I stood up after making sure his spirit heard every last one in my head. 

I look down at his tombstone once more and sighed. “Goodbye....Atsumu…” 

I smiled. “Oh, I meant Lover…” I looked up at the blue sky with the smile still on my lips. “Goodbye Lover, I’ll see you in the afterlife soon.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I know there are A LOT of grammar and spelling mistakes. I know that, but I tried to type it up without someone to help me on it. <3 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it anyways.


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